Smokin' on the Back Porch

As if we did not have enough issues dividing us in this country, we now take up the gun control issue. And in the ongoing deterioration of our human relation skills, we are polarized on this issue like all the others. So sad. It all reminds me of my second husband. (Yes, Dearie, I have had more than one and less than 10 husbands.)

My second husband smoked. He loved a cigarette with his first cup of coffee. He loved a cigarette with a cold beer or after a meal or after a movie or after church, etc. He loved smoking. He was addicted and you could tell he was addicted every time I started telling him when and where he could smoke and encourage him to quit. (I have since learned you neither argue with an addict nor nag. Neither strategy works.) I think his long term fear was that cigarettes would be banned. Probably an irrational fear because too many people smoke, there is too much money in making cigarettes, and it evidently is eminently pleasant for the smoker. Non smokers probably wonder why they aren’t banned already and surely would have no problem if they were.

Things changed when our son was born and we were concerned that he always seemed to have a cold. His little eyes were red and would water, his nose would run, he seemed grumpy and ill-content. We did everything we could in terms of cleaning carpets and curtains, etc. to try to eliminate whatever was driving him crazy. Nothing worked. Finally we wondered if it might be my husband’s cigarette smoke. At that point he was smoking in the house. He started smoking on the back porch. Son’s respiratory issues immediately cleared up! My husband did not come inside to smoke from that day until his death, RIP. His smoking was hurting our son so he limited where he would smoke. He did so without resentment or anger. He did so because he did not want to hurt another because of his habit.

Since then I have been very sensitive to where others smoke and I know my husband would not have smoked anywhere around people who are bothered by it. He limited his behavior for the sake of others. I feel anger toward smokers who are not nearly so sensitive, who argue they have the right to smoke anywhere they durn well please and light-up possibly causing harm to others. Those smokers couch their argument in the individual freedom domain and personal rights and feel like they are being stripped by big brother of those rights if they cannot smoke anywhere, anytime. They are addicts and show their addiction via their irrational response.

Self limitation to increase the safety of others is a noble and honorable position. Much more so than taking the same position the tobacco companies took when they argued second-hand smoke did not hurt anyone. Some slogans could work just as well on this issue: Cigarettes do not cause death -- People smoking cigarettes cause death. If cigarettes become illegal, only criminals will smoke. I have a constitutional right to act in ways that could harm others.

A little self-limitation is not a bad thing. No matter how you read the 2nd Amendment it is not an absolute right. I think it is time for the NRA and gun owners to learn to smoke on the back porch.

Criminal Minds

It is the first day of a new year and I should be busy making black eyed peas, ham and cornbread. I’m not. I’m bothered and therefore driven to write.

I ache for our world, our country, and a host of individuals. There is so much pain, so much conflict. How I wish I had the ability to resolve Syria, Afghanistan, Iran, China, North Korea, the pain of Newton, the fiscal cliff, the sadness of kids going without on Christmas, educational reform, etc. I do not have that power, and it is a good thing I do not. My solutions would not be acceptable to many.

Why? Because I deeply believe we either help, support, love, cherish, and improve the lot of our fellow humans even at our own expense, or we pursue paths that are in our own self interest and for our own gain, and discount all others. I believe such a path is criminal, but that is just me.

How can a person justify a criminal act? It is simple, really. There is something I want; therefore, it is good because I want it. The “I wants” can be physical like jewels and cash, can be emotional, can be sexual, can be avoidance of fear and discomfort, etc. I will take what I want and not worry about you because what I want is by definition good. If you are in my way, then you deserve the consequences. It is all about me, it is not about you. It is the mindset of the leadership in many other countries, and in a large number of our elected representatives. It is the mindset of many in prison, and many who should be. What is good for me and people like me is good. Any loss to me, any risk to me is bad. I want what I have and I want more.

I am a criminal if I am willing to hurt others, take from others, deceive others, to get what I want. The most sophisticated of criminals couch their pursuit of self interest in rhetoric that sounds wonderful and rationalizations that sound valid. They are neither wonderful nor valid. If you pursue something that is beneficial to you and harmful to others you are in a criminal mind set. If your mission is self-service rather than service to others, you are in a criminal mind set. The core arrogance of the criminal mind set is that the criminal believes what they want is more important than any other human’s wants. They are wrong. It is for this reason that I love educators and preachers. Most have clearly been willing to forgo personal financial reward to operate in the arena of service to others.

My only resolution for the coming year is to avoid the criminal mind set. To have integrity, honesty and practice service to others regardless of what it costs me. I want to want what is best for you, not what is best for me. If I can do that, I believe I will be a real human being. I will have a year full of grace, peace, joy and love. I will carry the spirit of Christmas into January and beyond.

Time to make peas, cornbread and ham.

Happy New Year.

My Heart So Low

Listen first:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1DKJEk-EkE

Christmas.

Such a hard time for so many.  Women.  Men.

Where there should be joy there is sadness and pain and loss.

Wish I could help. You.  Me.

But my heart is low, my heart is so low.

I wish for you joy.  I wish for you peace.

Watch the women who make the music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3nLjGQpUOU

Merry Christmas!

To each of you who read this digital epistle I wish you a very Merry Christmas!

I believe the most precious Christmas gift arrived 2,000 years ago to two poor, working class people. I believe the love behind that gift should be the model for the way we treat each other. I believe the most precious gift I can give to anyone is my friendship, my caring, my love. I believe the most precious gift I can receive is your friendship, you caring and your love. I am blessed by those who both give and receive these gifts. Thank you.

I wish for you faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.  May today and the coming year be all that you want it to be.

Eileen Good

My Christmas Wish

Dear Santa,

This is all I want for Christmas:

I wish I could be a conservative. I wish I could think like conservatives think. I wish I could vote Republican like everyone else around here. I wish my deep religious beliefs did not so influence my political and philosophical beliefs. I wish all I know about economics I was able to put aside and vote conservative. I wish all I know about the moneyed special interest groups I could put aside and vote conservative. I wish all I know about establishing aristocracies at the expense of the working class would simply exit my brain. I wish I were dumber. I wish I could passionately support what I hear on one-sided media and believe it to be true. I wish I were less rational and thoughtful and more emotional. I wish I was not so much a person of conscience. I wish I did not care about those with less than I have, I wish I did not care about equity, I wish I did not care about civil rights, I wish I did not care about democracy and public schools and public welfare, etc., etc. I wish I did not believe that we are to love our neighbors as ourselves. I wish I didn't know you can't take it with you.  I wish that I could ignore the reason for this season, the ultimate gift to an undeserving humanity, and think like conservatives think. Then perhaps I would not always feel like I am swimming upstream. Perhaps then I could be happy. Perhaps then I could really be me.

Not gonna happen.

But thanks for listening, Santa.

(Free toys for boys and girls world-wide? Sleighs me. Santa, you must be a liberal too!)

Shooting Children

I am not at the grieving stage yet, I am angry. Very angry. How dare someone walk into a school and shoot and kill children and shoot and kill the adults who work with those children? How dare him!


Schools are to be sanctuaries for learning. Kids are to be safe there. Now some idiot will suggest that if Kindergartners were carrying firearms this would not have been as bad. Or, that if all the teachers were armed. Or, if we just had metal detectors and razor wire fences and double entry doors so we can check ID’s before anyone gets inside. In other words, let’s make schools prisons designed to keep folks out and leave the folks within armed and ready.

And somewhere is a fleet of superintendents getting calls from local papers and TV stations wanting to know what they are doing to keep kids safe and what they might do in the future. So sad.

I have been watching this phenomenon closely since Columbine and I have reached the following conclusions:

1. No one ever got shot at a school when the perpetrator did not have a gun.

2. No safety measure creates safety. It creates the illusion of safety to pacify the panicked.

3. The problem lies in the community, not the school. This is not school violence; this is violence that walked into a school. The solution must lie in the community.

So, what would I do? Make owning a handgun extremely difficult if not impossible. Make owning an assault rifle impossible. Spend more money on community services instead of cutting them. If any of the now infamous perpetrators of this brand of violence had a readily available professional counselor we would see much less of this. And, lest we not forget, Virginia Tech and Columbine were violent acts committed by students there. We need more money for more teachers so teachers can develop good relationships with their children so we will get a “heads up” if one of them plans to start shooting.

As long as disturbed and sick people have ready access to firearms we will continue to have this. We will continue to see people shooting children.

So sad.

Gotta Love a Little Joy in the Midst of Anger

Susan Rice is withdrawing her candidacy as Secretary of State.  She is a brilliant woman.  And she is being attacked prior to ever getting the nomination.

Diane Ravitch said it best:  The same people who thought Sarah Palin was qualified to be Vice President are attacking Susan Rice.

LMAO!

(I'm not supposed to know what that means, but it seems appropriate.)