Letter From a Confused Heterosexual

I have a dear friend, much younger than I, and also a blogger.  We exchange ideas frequently and find that in most cases we are on the same page, or screen.  He recently sent the following letter:



Dear Eileen,

I grow increasingly disturbed and confused.  Will you please allow me to bounce some ideas off you and respond if you would be so kind?  I am not comfortable posting this on my own blog as it may be too revealing, so I am copping out and sending it to you.

I am so glad I am not a homosexual.  There was no conscious choice in my childhood to be sexually attracted to women and only to women.  I think I recognize attractive males, but I am not attracted to them.  So?

When in college I remember thinking I was so glad that I was not African-American or Hispanic or female.  I knew that had I been born to a race other than Anglo and a gender other than male I would be a militant for the equal rights of my race and gender.  I am liberal enough as it is without taking to the streets for equality.  My protest is rational, not personal.

So, when I awoke to the alarm at 5:30 while dreaming about the similarities between Uganda and Arizona I almost laughed out loud.  Who in the world would have linked an ultra-conservative state in the US with a small Black nation in Africa?  They are literally worlds apart, save for their agreement that homosexuals are disgusting.  Arizona’s legislature wrote a bill empowering retailers to discriminate against homosexuals.  Uganda has passed similar laws and is publishing the names of known homosexuals.  Russia is no better and it is equally funny that they now have common ground with Arizona.  All are blatant acts of discrimination that I cannot fathom, much less tolerate.

And, my beloved Presbyterian church is splitting into two factions over this issue.  The conservatives oppose gay clergy.  The traditional do not.  First Presbyterian Houston barely voted to stay with the traditional church, but the required 2/3 vote almost happened.  That means a majority still want to split.   How can this be?

What is so scary about homosexuality?  What merits persecution of this private issue of attraction, affection and taste?  Are we subjected to public viewing of homosexual acts?  Is it contagious?  Are young children likely to decide to become gay if they see a gay person?  I do not get it.  Haven’t all gay people seen heterosexuals and remain gay?  

I know in my heart of hearts that there is no way I could have a gay sexual encounter.  Just would not happen.  My equipment would not work and I would be repulsed.  But I am shocked that we are more supportive and comforting and tolerant of folks with HIV than we are of folks who are gay.  We should be supportive of HIV folks.   The same for gay folks.  I do not mean to imply that being gay is an illness.  Far from it.  HIV is an illness that is transmitted by human interaction.  If we can tolerate such an illness, why can’t we tolerate a birth characteristic?

Or is that it?  Do the homophobes believe homosexuality is a disease of choice?  If we believe that being gay is a “sin” rather than a state of being, would it not make more sense to legalize the marital union of gays to reduce the sinful nature?  A gay couple by definition cannot have children so there is no risk of increasing the number of gays by allowing them to marry.  Do we think the adopted children of gay couples grow up gay?  As you would say, poppycock and balderdash.

I recall studying behaviorism in college where I read all the works of B.F. Skinner.  I remember in Beyond Freedom and Dignity, Skinner said sex is just pleasurable friction and culture decides with whom and with what and when and where this friction is acceptable.  I am not a behaviorist, but a lot of that statement makes sense to me.  We have wrapped sexual encounters with such mystique, such emotional baggage that it is amazing we ever produce another generation.  Mammals have a sex drive.  We have a sex drive.  Mammals exhibit homosexual behavior; or to be more accurate, bi-sexual behavior and masturbatory behavior.  Is sex with yourself homosexual? How could you argue otherwise?

Our western civilization is grounded in Greek and Roman notions.  Both cultures blatantly accepted not only homosexuals but bisexuals.  Perhaps it is the Judeo-Christian influence that raises such ire.

Is all of this anti-gay stuff Biblical?  I am not an expert, but if memory serves it is the Old Testament where we find all the rules and laws including those regarding sexuality.  Paul probably said something about it, but Paul is a psychiatrist’s dream patient flipping from one belief extreme to another and clearly anti-sexual in general.  I do not care much for the letters of Paul.  I prefer Jesus’ commandment to love thy neighbor as thy self.  Even if the neighbor is a transgender, cross-dressing homosexual.

Am I nuts?

I would so appreciate your thoughts on this.

As Always, Bob

How shall I respond?