Safety and Control

My small town experienced a recent tragedy, the untimely death of a young man. Son of well known and beloved parents, sibling to a brother and sister, this young man took his own life for reasons beyond our kin. It is deeply sad. It is tragic.


There is a quick and predictable response: folks want to know why. They want to know why to confirm or absolve their guilt. They want to know why because if there is an identifiable variable perhaps we can implement something to control the variable. Was it drugs? Was it alcohol? Was it a lost love? Was it a failure of some sort? Who should have done what to keep this from ever happening? Should it have been me? Should I have done something? Could I have said something? Should I have noticed something? Oh my, what should we do?

It is deeply sad. It is tragic. It is scary.

If this young man took his own life, my own kids might do the same! Oh my, what should we do? We should do something. We cannot just sit here and fear and worry and wonder and not act. We must do something, anything! Find the cause and treat it! Find the variable and control it! Eliminate our pain. Make us safe.

This tragedy replays across our land in cities large and small. I believe it hits smaller communities harder. Why live in a small community? It is safer. We know everyone. We can control more variables. There is less random contact, fewer unknowns, and more knowns. We have more control. We should be safer. We forgo the malls, the theatres, the symphonies, the plays, the restaurants, the 24 hour a day hustle and bustle to feel safer. We forgo making more money to live smaller, to live slower, to live closer, to know more, and to be safer. We are totally rattled to discover we are not safe. The randomness of life, the intervening strange variable happens even here. There is no control. There is no real safety. Life unfolds and we all die.

We resent the randomness. We are angry at the lack of control. When we ask “why?" we are demanding a cause and effect response so we can control future responses. That is science, that is math, that is the technology that in fact has made us safer, our homes more secure, our transportation more efficient, our communication instant, and our weapons so effective. Few die from the attack of wild animals. But some do. Few die from poison in our food or water. But some do. Few die from the attack of marauding enemies. But some do. Few die from starvation. But some do. We are safer than we have ever been, but we still are not safe. Our drive to understand, to control, to be safe has brought us much and I am grateful for those advances. But there is still more we do not know, cannot understand, and cannot control.

On a larger scale our nation responded with “doings” after 9/11, after Columbine, after Pearl Harbor. We implemented programs, we fought back, and we sought control. And yet, we still die.

This death was deeply sad. It was tragic. It was scary. It is beyond our kin. We do not need a new program in our schools to make everyone else safe. We do not need to “do” anything. We need to be human beings, not human doings. We need to love, we need to support, we need to experience our feelings whether they are good or bad, we need to have faith, we need to help all those in need, and we need to forgive.

There will never be total safety and total control.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.