Really, Dear Parents

I am inspired to write on behalf of teachers everywhere, and in particular for those teachers I know and love who share anecdotal stories regarding interactions with parents and administrators that are beyond belief. If you are a parent and recently have met with a teacher regarding your child’s performance or behavior, or if you are a young administrator and have just heard a parent complaint about one of the teachers in your building, this is for you:


Dear Parents,

Teaching is an incredibly difficult job, especially so if you care about kids and care that they learn. Sadly, kids greatly outnumber us and I am not able to give each child the attention I might like, and equally sad is the fact that your child is not able to do exactly as he or she may want to do because that would distract from the learning of others, or worse, distract me as I attempt to teach others. With that said, here is the truth:

I am not picking on your child, I am not singling your child out for ridicule, and I am not conspiring to set your child up. Do you believe that? Really? There are way too many kids for me to devote the kind of effort that it would take to sabotage one child. There is absolutely nothing for me to gain if your child is structured for failure. There is everything for me to gain and for your child to gain if your child does his or her work and behaves while they are in class. Every effort on my part is to help them and others succeed.

Your child will lie to you. Really. Rather than confess their sins and admit that they did not do their work or that they acted the fool in class, they will prefer to paint me as the bad guy rather than disappoint you. I am not the bad guy. I am doing my very best to help your child succeed and I could use your help. If they tell you something other than that, it is not the truth.

Learning takes dedicated and focused work. I am glad that your child has experienced success prior to my class. To experience success in my class, however, they must do the work and they must behave. The track record of your child means little to me as I attempt to teach them what they must learn this year. Again, I do not have the time to conspire for your child to fail and the path to success is simple, made more so by your support.

Perhaps you think it would be wonderful if every failure your child experienced was someone else’s fault. Do you believe that? Really? Perhaps that is why you call principals to complain that your child is failing or is in trouble and you think it is my fault. It is not my fault. It is the fault of your child. If the principal agrees with you that it is my fault, that is more a reflection on the preparation and quality of the principal than of me. Call me.

But please, before you pick up the phone or log on to your email account, take a breath. Ask yourself if you really, really believe that a professional educator would go to great lengths to set your child up to fail. That for some truly bizarre reasons an adult, professional, degreed certified educator would on some whim pick some student out of the blue on some given day to harass, ridicule, pick on, or set up to fail. That is an anathema to teachers. Our job is to promote learning and success. We take no joy from failure. Help us.

Really.